This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
