she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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