I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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