the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
