i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
