Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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