This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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