if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
