i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
