she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
