literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
