you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
