I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
