9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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