i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I want is dick and wine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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