i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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