Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
