Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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