Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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