Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
