Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
