There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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