i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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