tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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