I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
