I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
