sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
