goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
