i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
