Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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