I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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