I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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