whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
