i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
