im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize