mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
