don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
