i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
