On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
