There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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