I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
