If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
