the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
