Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize