The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
