Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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