I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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