Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
