after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
