it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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