I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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