It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
