I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
