I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
