The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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