he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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