Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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