I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
