I wish I could teleport
well I can't set my house on fire every night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm both gender and math confused
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
