My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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