remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
