I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
