In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
