Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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