I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
